I can be an incredibly selfish person at times. I like to have control of the TV remote. Picking what radio station is being played in the car gives me supreme satisfaction. Choosing which restaurants to eat at when some friends and I go out is most fulfilling. Having keys to half of the campus and knowing that I can get in anywhere at any time pleases me. Knowing that I can control the pace and path of a conversation keeps my mind calm.

This controlling trait that I have probably comes from the fact that I'm a leo. It's one part of a leader that makes him/her great - always being able to control the situation. Keeping things the way you want them to go. You know, one of the sexiest scenes in film history is in X: The Malcolm X Story with Denzel Washington. After he is released from prison and gathers a following, he walks down the street with his supporters and they stand in front of this building. When he is finished with his conversation, he raises his right hand, turns it to the left, and everyone turns - in sync - and begins to walk away. The power that man had!!

Don't get me wrong - there are several things that I know I am powerless over, and I know that every man wants to be in control of his own fate. However, some things I still try to wield my way just like everyone else. I have found that the number one thing that I am selfish about is friendship. Yet sometimes, the length of certain friendships cannot be manipulated by a leo's hand.

There are very few people in this world I trust. Over the years, I have formed a series of tests or moments that can lead a person into my very small circle of trusted friends. (It sounds silly and kind of non-emotional, but it's needed for a person who is use to trusting no one.) Once I have meshed with these people and we have become certain friends, I want them in my life for an indefinite amount of time. Period. If we became good friends this year, you should at least stay in my life until I'm fifty, and that's final.

However, Fate sometimes has a different plan (that of course She rarely ever tells us). There are a few of my compadres that have only been a part of my life for a chapter. They are like leaves on a tree - they're only there for a season. The logical side of me, after several months or years of analyzing why, sees that it was a good thing or necessary. But sometimes, I still want to fight Fate.

For example, Chelcie R. has been at Oglethorpe for four years, and for some unknown reason, we became immensely close over the past nine months. She became one of the good, trusted friends. Now, she has graduated and is heading to DC for the summer to take part in a wonderful internship that is suited perfectly for her. In August, she's heading to Philadelphia for a year-long job at Swarthmore College. She has this amazing year ahead of her, filled with Lord knows how many destiny-filled moments, and... I don't want her to go.

I mean, I want her to go - she's worked her butt off this year and deserves all of the glory that comes along with hard work, but I'm selfish and want her to stay. For me. I don't want her to grow or become a better woman. lol. I want her to find an apartment in Atlanta and be friends with me. Isn't that such a silly human reaction to change? "No, don't go. Stay here and keep everything the same."

This is how I am with a lot of chapter friendships (TM). Almost exactly one year ago I was thinking the same thing about Keith. 6 years ago, I thought the same thing about Oliver, except I was the one that was leaving and coming to Atlanta. And ten years ago, I was mad at the heavens for forcing me to leave Phillip. I wanted to turn my hand and make them walk my way and stay that way forever.

When I was younger, I used to hate the saying, "If you love someone, set them free." I always thought, "Gosh, why in the world would you ever let them go?! If you love them, hold on and nurture and keep them close." Now I'm older and, reluctantly, realized that I have to let them fly. I don't want to clip their wings. They would be miserable eventually, and so would I.

Sometimes, lol, most of the time, it is hard for me to think that some people are only chapter friends. You were here for me to help me through this, and I was there to help you through that, and that may be all we are. But hopefully, when I'm fifty and wondering where you are, I will think back on us fondly and say, "Thank God we didn't last longer than we did; we would have killed each other had we lasted 25 more years!" lol.
I hope.

Remember to love.

Dallas here again. 66 photos. April 24 - 25th. A night-to-day post! Then back to night. lol.
My great aunt died of cancer on April 23rd. On April 24 through the 25th, Relay for Life: Walk for the Cure was held on our campus. This post and that day is dedicated to her.


( Walk this waaay! )
Remember to love.

Things I've realized over the past few days:

• I really hate intrusive ads.


• I enjoy reading up on Twitter apps, even if I don't prefer most of them.


• I've fallen in love with Mad About You all over again.


• This week is crazy-busy for me, but I'm okay with that.


• In the end, love is all that matters.


• I'm excited by the fact that, when all is said and done, everything works out in the end.


• I really like bagels.


• I still freak out about weddings.


• Even though I hadn't made any icons in like 6 months, I still has teh skillz. I got 2nd place with the first icon I made after my long hiatus.


• And the last thing I've realized is that.... you've read this entire list.


Remember to love.

I posted this on my Twitter account yesterday. It's from the "tea party/teabagging" soiree that our ye old radical Republicans had. These people are.... ridiculous.


10 Most Offensive Tea Party Signs.




Le sigh.
Remember to love.

5 Words That Remind Me of You from Dallas on Vimeo.

If you comment to this post, I will give you five words (or phrases) that remind me of you. You will post those in your journal with an explanation of what they mean to you. Please also copy this explanation so that other people can ask you for five words.

My 5 words are from angrybunnyman.
The endeavor to love.
Drought.
Passionate mystery.
Exits.
Heartbeat.
(Just in case the obvious isn't stated, my five words are explained in the video.)

Taken from .




Remember to love.

Remember to love.

To sum up my absence, here's a Twitter line from me on Tuesday: My days have consisted of class, lunch, extended nap (sometimes), rehearsal, homework, staying up too late, rinse and repeat.

So the thing that has taken over my life for the past three weeks will finally be seen by an audience starting tonight. The Crucible is happening this weekend, Thursday through Saturday at 8PM in the Conant theater. You're all invited. It's seven bucks for general admission and free for all OU peeps, of course. If you want a comp, let me know; this is the first time that I won't be at the box office to see you in, so I need a heads up.

This play has grown up rapidly from just being beautifully placed words on a page to being a life form of its own (such is the life of theater). I cannot tell you how proud I am of the cast - how wonderful everyone is, and how I still can't believe I'm a part of it. It all feels slightly surreal - I'm going through the motions but am not quite sure how I got here or what the hell I'm striving towards. It's like the movie Waking Life; I seem to be comfortable in my surroundings, yet I have no idea where am I, everyone around me has extremely cool stories about life... and they are all cartoon characters. lol.

I was walking through the voms the other night (the basement "tunnels" that lead into the inside of the theater), and I thought, "Holy shit. This thing is coming together, and I'm in it, and whatthehellamIdoinghere?!?!" I think theater life is the epitome of a bipolar one. One minute you're the happiest thing in the world - you feel that your acting chops are up to snuff and they can't get any better. The next moment, in a blinding instant, you feel you don't know a damned thing and wonder what the director was on when he cast you. "Maybe he felt pity for me. He knew that I sucked, but he saw the gnawing desperation in my eyes and was afraid for my life. So he cast me." lol.

I feel like actors are the most egotistical and pessimistic maniacs to roam this earth. We have the highest highs and the damnedest lows. Druggies for sure we are. Say we'll quit for sure this time because the hours are long and we feel like shit, but when the curtains rise and audiences applause, that adrenaline pumps through our veins, and that voice whispers, "You know you love it, and you can't wait to take this ride again." That's why there's no Theater Anonymous - no one is sane enough to quit this craziness, not if it's in your blood. And believe you me, it's in our veins. Everyday, all the time. We dream it, eat it, and talk about it ad nauseum. Get a group of theater junkies together and bet all of your life savings on the fact that somewhere in that conversation, theater will be talked about, even if it's a story you've heard a thousand times before.

Chris Kayser once told me that a play was like an ice sculpture - beautifully admired for a minute and then gone the next. Most people don't understand why ice sculptors do what they do. They spend days and sometimes weeks on a object that will be gone soon. Seems like such folly, I'm sure. However, if you ask another sculptor, "What's the big deal? Yeah, it ends up being gorgeous, but it's not worth the time or the effort in the end." The artist will just give you a secretive, knowing smile, nod and walk away, because they know. Only other artists like them will understand.

Passion is the word that comes to mind. However, sometimes I feel there's more to it than that. Maybe whatever that is, that mystery, has us hooked. For life. And we don't wish to be anywhere else. Bet your life on it.

If not, we'll bet ours.
Remember to love.

Well, my hell week is over. I can't tell you how many times I was on the verge of tears this week. I hate that more than anything because I hate showing vulnerability, I hate whiners, and I know that I am stronger.

I think there were just too many things happening. Horrendous midterms, Geek Week (a huge competitive trivia week for whomever wants to play), plus some personal stuff. Add all of that to getting an average of two hours of sleep for five days straight, things don't end up in a nice box. I think what overwhelmed me so much was the fact that I didn't have any time to sit and breathe, and the fact that I wasn't handling that fact well pushed me over the edge. I'm use to being busy, overly-busy actually, so this week shouldn't have made me feel so inferior. Yet at every turn, I felt like I was being mauled over by a huge eighteen wheeler.

I felt bad for anyone who hung out with me. I was not in the moment with them, always worrying about the next thing, which is so unlike me. I'm the non-stresser, the encourager for all the other stressers, the person that puts all of the shit into perspective.
Ultimate fail.

Either way, it's over. Spring Break is upon us, and I am going to rest and have fun, dammit. Last night was a very good start to all of this. Chelcie and I went to the grocery store, where foodage was bought, then we had some yummy Subway, followed by some dee-lish Marble Slab ice cream. Later on, I headed over to the Boyz room (Dusty, Maximus, and Nick) for some unwinding. Those boys can booze you up pretty good, and I get so dirty around them. lol. I turn into Miss Potty-mouth and get a little crazy, which may have been just what I needed after my hell week. My Boyz always come through in the nick of time.

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As most of you know, this break will be dedicated to movie-watching, sleeping, hanging with a few peeps, reading for pleasure, and general lollygagging - my favorite pasttime.
What about you? What's your favorite pasttime?

Remember to love.