love - i believe

In which I were to jump over the broom... twice

Okay. So no more eating chocolate mousse pies before bed. Or oversleeping. The longer I sleep past my normal hours, the weirder (and longer) my dreams become.

I dreamed about being proposed to by two different men. I said yes to both, and then soon, my mom, sister, and I were off to a bridal shop - looking at dresses that I know we could not afford. To put that into perspective, I could not afford any dress because I am so not in a period where I can pay for anything as big as a wedding. Not even a cute, small one on a patio somewhere. I knew this is in the dream too, and yet, there we were - trying to find dress inspiration.

Now, this was obviously a dream dump situation. While you sleep, your mind is dumping the majority of the information it has received over the past day to clear it out and rejuvenate for the next day. It is like a car wash for the subconscious.

Yesterday morning, I was binge-reading missparker's journal entries, and she is planning a wedding for the fall. I am super excited for her because she is happy, and I have been rooting for her from afar for years. Then of course my brain was like, "What would happen if you were getting married?"

Just to be clear, I would be in straight-up panic. What made the dream a nightmare was the fact that the two guys who proposed to me were men I was not in love with. I just said yes, and I had a ring on my finger all of a sudden. I guess I said yes to be polite? But that would never happen in real life because I respect the institution of marriage wayyyyy to much to treat it like a piece of weird candy being offered.

I call it a nightmare because it would be one. Not marriage in and of itself, but saying yes to someone out of comfort or fear of being alone or indifference to the whole thing. That is terrifying. I know people that do that. "Well, this is probably the best offer that will come along, so might as well jump on this train while it's here," or "Meh, why not? You're supposed to get married at some point right? And maybe it will get better later on."

NO. That will make me startle awake while sweating faster than a zombie chasing me.
Love and marriage are sacred and should be treated as such.
And how the hell was I going to explain to both guys that I was marrying EVERYBODY?
Pffft. Like I could handle that. I can barely handle myself.

Remember to love.
love - i believe

In which sleep is for suckers

I ache if I sleep too long. I think my body gets sick of it. That and I need a new mattress. Like for reals. (I should really stop using that phrase.) I have started this regime (which I am not awesome at keeping yet) of sleeping in three-hour increments. I come home from work, eat and watch an episode or two of Seinfeld, fall asleep around 8, set my alarm clock for 11, and then pass out again around 3 or 3:30am. It sounds bananas to people who love nothing more than to sleep, but I have never been normal when it comes to sleeping patterns.
This is the first time that I have set up a "schedule" for sleeping though, but it works better than the alternative.

If I come home and try to stay awake until a "normal" bedtime hour, like 11 or midnight, I am drained and cannot seem to muster the energy to do anything, not even my fun activities. And usually, I end up passing out while sitting up around nine or so with the lights and television on. I wake up groggy about five or six times throughout the night and never have the energy to get up and turn everything off, so I wake up around seven feeling like shit because I didn't get any real rest. At least with this "schedule" I am making sure to put myself to bed properly by turning off lights and laying all the way down with pillows and covers. It helps.

It is currently 5:30 in the morning, so I am still not perfect at it, but I am working on it. And I like the pattern a lot more because I have always been a night-owl and now have more energy in those hours after my first napping installment to do things. Watch things on the DVR, read, play around in my RP world, plop around on the internet, etc.

Also, the world is so very quiet during this time. There is a stillness in the air that only ever occurs after the witching hour. Peaceful and lovely and a bittersweet wake in honor of the day gone by.

Remember to love.
martini house

NaBloPoMo Day 7: End of the week and my hands are not bloodied

Work has been quite a clusterfuck the past two days, so that has been super NOT fun. I stayed an hour over my usual time today, but at least I cleared everything off of my desk for next week. It was still a hell of a mess because our in-house management just doesn't know what they are doing or even want anymore, so everyone is confused about what is going on.

However, it was payday and I was able to stop at the grocery store and pick up some sweet, sexy vodka to help me forget how inane this week has been. Also, I did not go postal or murder anyone. Victory?

Remember to love.
love - i believe

NaBloPoMo Day 6: Memories of Love Sung By

I was walking home last night and randomly listening to my "liked" songs on Google Music when "All My Life" by KC & JoJo started. Talk about a song that threw me back into a memory. It is a classic late 90s R&B love song that was played on the airwaves constantly, and I never tired of it. Ever.

I remember sneaking into my brother's room while he was at work and putting his CD into his boombox and playing that song repeatedly. Learning the lyrics and inflections and falling in love with the story of it all.

Listening to that song made me realize that during that time - the late 90s - there was a boom of deliciously fantastic R&B love songs over about a two to three year period. I made a fun list for you. :)

  • "All My Life" by KC & JoJo: You turned my life around, you picked me up when I was down...

  • "Stingy" by Ginuwine: You're the only one, the only love, that's strong enough to claim me...

  • "Ex-Factor" by Lauryn Hill: Loving you is like a battle, and we both end up with scars...

  • "Gotta Be" by Jagged Edge: You make me whole, you make me right; girl I never want to think about you leaving my life...

  • "Back at One" by Brian McKnight: I see the coming of the sun. I feel like a little child whose life has just begun...

There have very simple structures and the choruses repeat forever; so whoever wrote these songs made the easiest money of their lives. Hahaha. However, they are beautiful in my eyes. So soft and sexy and hopeful. Always hopeful.

Remember to love.

love - i believe


I had dinner with my extremely good friend Joy the other night. Over three hours of catching up, laughter, and amazing Indian food. It was just what I needed without knowing it.

Seriously guys, it has only been four days into it, and this time change has been kicking my ass. I get home, make a meal, and the darkness has already descended. By the time I have eaten and began to start the relaxation point of my evening, my body is thinking it is time to head to dreamland. At like seven o'clock! And you could even say, "Oh, well at least you become better rested." NOPE. I wake up, and it is chilly and gloomy (because WINTER IS COMING) and my body wants to hibernate. So I feel exhausted all day AND night.
Stupid seasonal blahblahblah disorder.

In lieu of all that, I am drinking more water and this weekend will buy more healthy snacks and produce so that I can try to keep my energy up. Also lots of Emergen-C. And hand sanitizer. Because people are gross and do not wash their hands after coughing and sneezing into them. Ick.

On to better news.
My tennis husband, Rafael Nadal, has clenched the Number One title for the end of the year! He has Cinderella story written all over him regarding the past 18 months of his career. He was absent from the game for seven months starting in July of last year, and then he came back in February and has beaten everyone into submission by how awesome he is. He is 73-6 now and has the most winning record on tour for the 2013 season (which is INSANE after being away for more than half a year). He has been in 13 finals of the 16 tournaments he has played. AND he is up to 13 Grand Slams won total. He is the only player to win four Masters 1000 series tournaments in a row.

Did I mention he was amazing?
'Cause he is.
I have to brag for him because he never does. He is too humble! <3

Remember to love.

NaBloPoMo Day 4: A Family Blessing

My sister texted me to call her yesterday. We talk very rarely - maybe about four times a year. She is one of those people who I do not have to talk to often, but we know exactly what is going on in each others lives as soon as we do. And I think because we do not talk often, our conversations are always great. So many topics pushed into an hour of discussion.

And boy does she make me LAUGH. Giggle like a school-girl laugh. Drink whiskey with your forty-year-old male friend boisterous laugh. Chuckle until you feel the tears on your cheek laugh. I love that about her. I laugh a lot, but with her, it is on a completely different level. I would say it is because I have known her for so long, and you can be more easily affected emotionally by people you have a deep history with. However, no one else makes me laugh as hard or as easily as she does.

And she was telling me about some deep family drama, and yet still she was making me laugh constantly. I am sure it is part defense mechanism from both of us, but goodness, it makes me happy. She is a tough cookie as well. I have to remember that back at home I was not the only who had to stay strong.

She is graduating college in May, and she just passed her state certification exam, which is huge! I think I have talked about it here before, but we were blessed, blessed, BLESSED to get out of the absolute muck that we were in as children. We should have been the worst kind of statistic, but somehow, all three of us - me, my brother, and my sister - were able to leave that place, see our potential, and reach for it.

Remember to love.
rafa: stormy hair

NaBloPoMo Day 3 (Revamped): Something about time and sleep

I thought my entry from last night was posted because it said it was, but apparently LJ ate it. Or Frank the Goat ate it. One of the two.

Wasn't yesterday the LONGEST day ever? Advantageously for us nine-to-fivers it was a Sunday, and any weekend day that feels long will always be accepted as a godsend. But because of the time change, and the fact that it was semi-gloomy outside, it felt like it was nighttime FOREVER. I remember thinking it was four o'clock in the afternoon and then looking at my clock and seeing that it was only eleven thirty in the morning. So from then on out, I was a confused and time-dazed human. By six o'clock I wanted someone to knock me over the head with a brick and let me sleep for twenty hours.
Time change is weird is what I am saying, yo.

This is the last week of the tennis season, and part of me is screaming, "What? Noooooooo. Nadal don't go!" While the other part of me is shrugging and saying, "You need a break as much as the players do. It has been a long year, and you are an obsessed crazy person. You are creating your own Excel spreadsheets for tournaments now! Woman, take it down a notch!"

But will I ever? Probably not.
Who has time for children when there is so much tennis on?!?***

***That is now my tagline for everything now. "Who has time for children when...." or "This and this happened; who has time for children after all that?!"

Bless you parents and your brave souls. You all deserve medals and lots and lots of pie!
My obsessions run deep and tiny humans are not allowed to intervene.
(I promise that I am an adult. Most of the time.)

Remember to love.
off the cliff

NaBloPoMo Day 2: I am still obsessed with television

I meant to do the official "Welcome to Dallas' life" intro post again today, but the more I think about, there is not that much to introduce. Or rather, not that much has changed to require a new post if you will. Not to mention that my Twitter bio says it all quite succinctly. 28. Works in non-profit. Arts lover. Tennis obsessed. Avid fan of laughter, hugs, and martinis. Moderator for #TheLBD #EmmaApproved room on TogetherTube.
Those are all true things!

(And it is almost midnight yet again! Damn time and its constant movement!)

I have been watching one of the new shows on the CW network called REIGN, and for some reason, I almost feel embarrassed to say it to people. I find that quite odd because I do not have that feeling about any other show I watch. I gleefully, and loudly proclaim, that I watch The Vampire Diaries (love that show!) and will tell anyone who listens. That show comes on the CW as well, and people who do not watch it assume that it is geared toward tweens who like boys with pretty eyes. I am not saying tweens do not watch it, but the show is quite well-written once you get past the first few episodes. it turns into crack, and there is no way to stop watching! (Also, Paul Wesley is hottttttttt.)

However, with REIGN, I want to hate it, but at the end of every episode I find myself re-watching certain scenes and thinking, "Dammitt! They have sucked me in!" The show is based on Mary, Queen of Scot, who has just left a convent as a teenager to finally marry Prince Francis of France (they really should have worked on that name), who she has been betrothed to since she was six years old. It is a political alliance, like all royal marriages were at that time, with danger lurking everywhere because England wants to overtake Scotland.

I think I am drawn to the show because Mary and Francis are dealing with life or death decisions constantly, for them and their countries, and they are just children. I find the responsibilities that lay on their shoulders intriguing and frightening. And maybe I wanted to hate it because the show was based around teenagers and it would be advertised to tweens, but I have found that I like that the crew behind the show has cast teenagers. I have seen way too many adaptations of royal histories and plays like Romeo and Juliet where they cast these thirty year old people in roles that were meant to be for the young.

I always defend R&J to people who speak on how idiotic the protagonists were. Of course they were over-dramatic and hormonal; they were bored and young Italian teenagers who were hot and horny in the summer! Duh.

I have watched all three episodes so far, and though that may be too early to say the show is definitely a must-watch, I will continue to see it every week because it brings me joy. Also, I find that the set design helps the show because it is GORGEOUS. Oh my goodness. Whoever is the scout location manager for this show deserves all the accolades. The show is beautiful from beginning to end.

Okay... I did not expect this entry to be about my rising adoration for a tiny show on a tiny network, but there you have it. It is one of the many reasons why I love writing out my thoughts; I never know where they are going to lead. It is quite a fun and revelatory journey.

Remember to love.
love - i believe

NaBloPoMo Day 1: Ummm, tomorrow?

Hello, Dallas here! (Whaaaaaaat?) This was to be my intro post for National Blog Posting Month 2013, but I am down to the wire; it's almost midnight! Work was insane, and then a MUST needed nap was had. Add those two things together and you have the whole day swallowed up. I have not even eaten dinner! How do people have children?!??!

Okay, I digress. More in-depth posts and fun times (subjective) to come!
Now, it is time for dinner. Breakfast. Brinner?
Le sigh. You would think I were still in college. :)

Remember to love.
love - i believe

In which I am immune to my own words but fall deeply for another's

My brother called me this evening while I was walking home from the bus stop.
After the pleasantries, he said, "I need my sister."
This translates into him having lady problems.
He likes to call me for relationship advice.
The former playa-playa calls me for advice.
The girl who has never been in a relationship.
The girl who almost dates or just has sex. The two never meet.

It's odd. I shouldn't be giving out advice on something I have never experienced. Yet I have always been able to see other people's relationships with a keen perspective. I hate it, actually. Not only because I find it invasive and kind of rude to be able to see someone's future path before they can even see it, but also because I should be able to apply this to my own life, right?
All of those sage words and cleverly coined phrases I am able to remember from philosophy or self-help books long ago seem to truly help others. Not me, though. I am immune.


I am in a mood right now because I'm in the thick of Ron Currie's new book. I was right. He has gotten my emotions all flipped upside down. There has been at least one quote on every page that has made me want to cry or wonder if the author himself has received a thorough tour of my brain. His words seep right into me, or they are me, and that creeps me the hell out.

In the end, however, I am sure I will love it. Good writing should affect you. I appreciate what he does and think that he is a border-line, troubled genius, but gosh, I just don't know if I am emotionally strong enough to take it all in.

I am going to write him a letter one day and tell him that every book he has written that I have read has plunged me into an existential crisis.

He will probably laugh and say, "Me too."

Remember to love.